Voices of Service: Meet Nicole, a Military Spouse

Welcome to the USO’s Voices of Service Q&A Series. Through this series, we aim to give service members and military family members a platform to share their personal stories through Q&A interviews. By shining a light on their individual experiences, you can better understand and empathize with the people who serve and get to know them on a personal level.

Meet Nicole, a military spouse stationed overseas with her family.

1. What is the most rewarding part of being a military spouse and how has it shaped your perspective on life?

It has honestly opened up a new world of perspective for me. My grandfather enlisted in the Navy, from the Philippines, to give his family a better chance in the States so I had some military connection before I married my husband, but not much beyond that. And of course, I was too young to really understand what it means to be in the military and how it can impact both the service member and their families’ lives in such a variety of ways that most civilian families do not have to consider, worry, or think about.

I took for granted the opportunities I had being born in this country and to some extent probably will always lack a true understanding of some of the sacrifices being made by our service members every day. The most rewarding part of being integrated into this world is seeing the impact our service members make on their fellow service members and the world around them, how important it is, and how much pride they take in their work and duties.

2. What have been some of the challenges of life in the military and how have you learned to navigate them?

Everyone’s experience is different, but the one at the forefront for our family has been the guaranteed move every four years. This is a common challenge in the military. When I met my husband, I was fresh to Los Angeles, had just accepted my dream job, in close proximity to my entire extended family and a location that I had targeted my entire life. I had worked very hard to get there both professionally and personally. I had no idea that I would marry into this world of military life and find myself moving homes every few years.

I said goodbye to not only my job, but an industry I had worked in for over a decade with colleagues who were close to family to me. I said goodbye to being near my actual family. I personally had moved for jobs before, but to continue doing so on a guaranteed basis, not on my timeline or destination of choosing was an adjustment.

Another challenge would be the ever-present possibility of a deployment, and having to simply plan life regardless of whether it were to happen or not. My husband’s deployment window, where he could find out at any moment that he would have to leave, was the year we were getting married. We planned the wedding regardless, with the understanding that it may or may not happen and he would miss his own wedding. This is also a very light example of the many challenges military families face. For example, I know people who have missed the birth of their child, first steps, funerals, weddings and of course, the reality of what the military sometimes has to do or where they have to be that can ultimately be some of the most dangerous locations or circumstances.

Our family is entering another potential deployment window with two children under two living in a foreign country. And while living overseas comes with its incredible experiences that I am immensely grateful for, it doesn’t change the fact that we are thousands of miles from any support, any familiarity of what we grew up with, resources and conveniences that are not available where they normally would be, a lack of community that we have found easily in the States and a language and cultural barrier at the forefront of it all.

Another common challenge is employment. I have been fortunate to remain employed while overseas. The majority of military spouses cannot say the same. Not only is it challenging to find a new professional job with every move, oftentimes even if a spouse were to gain employment each time, it is challenging to find the same career or the career that they would have been able to target had they gone to a location of their own choosing, and on a timeline of their own choosing. While it shouldn’t exist, and doesn’t on paper, the fact remains that companies and organizations often recognize that a military spouse may not be available on a long-term basis, so there is a common tendency to overlook that candidate. I have seen this first-hand on some hiring committees.

3. What employment, hobbies or passion projects have brought you joy and/or fulfillment throughout your life in the military?

My job obviously has given me an incredible platform to pour my professional interests and personal interests into. It gives me a sense of independence that is challenging to find when you’ve been used to working for something you have a passion for all of your life. Pursuing hobbies help each new duty station feel like home, and I try to make the most of wherever I am. At one duty station, it was cooking and baking, because that’s a huge part of my day-to-day. Another location, it was running and signing up for half marathons or other fitness events because they were especially popular in that location.

Now that we are overseas, obviously we try to take in as much as we can and explore to the best of our ability. Yes, we are far from home, yes we do not get to see our families often or easily, but in our minds we have our entire lives to live in the U.S., but we have just 3 years to live abroad when we never will again, so we try to make the most of it by traveling as much as we can. It’s been an incredibly unique experience I would not trade for anything now that I’m in the middle of it. It’s not for everyone, but we do everything we can to embrace it knowing home will be back in the States waiting for us.

4. As the holidays approach, how do you stay connected to loved ones who may be deployed or far away?

As the holidays approach, we try to resurrect the traditions that we had as children ourselves and implement them wherever we are. We try to embrace local culture and customs as well to create new traditions.

5. If you have a child(ren), how do you deal with the challenges of solo parenting when your spouse is deployed or traveling? Do you have any advice for other parents in similar situations?

Daycare and babysitters!